Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
