All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
