all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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