Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
