Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
