I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
