So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i think my cat just said my name.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
