"it" just moved
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
