i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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