I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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