the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
