I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
