I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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