My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just blew my weed a kiss
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
