I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you would pick up someone in the library
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
