make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
