maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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