A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
