I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
