I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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