as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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