he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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