just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
