Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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