Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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