i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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