I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
