I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
