Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
