I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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