I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
