Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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