I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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