I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
