i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
