Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
