I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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