so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
