Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
