someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
