I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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