We need to rekindle our bromance
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
