You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
