i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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