thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
