Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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