dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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