i already hear my dad disowning me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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