piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why do cheetos always look like penises
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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