apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
