Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
