we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
